Living in a shadow
by Leelu's skittles
Summary: Hary was willing to live in a shadow for the rest of his life, if that meant the man he loved was happy. Even if it meant that he died a bit more each night. Because Sirius was more important. SBHP, implied past JPSB. Slash. Oneshot.


**Title**: _Living in the shadow_

**Fandom**: _Harry Potter_

**Word Count**: _610_

**Disclaimer/warning:** _I don't own HP (because small children wouldn't be allowed to watch/read the series. At all.) SB/HP Mentions of sex. Nothing graphic._

_Bah! I hate these stupid little one shot-ish drabbles that pile themselves into my head. They keep me awake at night and I have to write them out. And they distract me from the chaptered story that I'm _supposed_ to be writing at the moment. Enjoy anyway!_

Harry knew, he _knew_, that Sirius didn't really love him. Sure he loved him, but he wasn't _in_ _love_ with him. It was funny how such a small, slight difference in phrasing could make all the difference. And every time they had sex, Harry knew it was not he that Sirius was really having sex with. Which made the fact that Harry was absolutely in love with Sirius even more pathetic than it would've been otherwise.

The years in Azkaban had passed so immeasurably slowly for Sirius, but at the same time they had passed so quickly that he didn't even realise that any time had passed. Sirius loved his little godson Harry, wanted to be there for the toddler all the time. But he couldn't reconcile Harry, the seventeen year old teenager, with Harry the baby. It was, however, easier for Sirius to match Harry, the seventeen year old teenager, with James.

Harry knew that Sirius didn't mean to hurt him, but every time Sirius slipped into his bed of a night, Harry died a bit more. Harry loved the way Sirius' hands would caress his body, the way he would press delicate butterfly kisses to everywhere he could reach and tell him how beautiful he was, as if Harry was the most important thing in his world. As if Harry was his entire world. He made Harry feel like he was important, like he was loved. And no one else had ever made Harry feel like that.

But the illusion always shattered when Sirius held Harry the tightest, and it was James' name whispered almost silently with a heart breaking tone instead of Harrys. Sirius probably didn't even know he did it, and if he did he obviously didn't expect Harry to notice. He did. It was the reason that, when Harry came, not a sound ever escaped his lips. He wanted to cry out Sirius' name, show the man how important he was to Harry, but there was a part in Harry that hated Sirius. It hated Sirius because the man would _never_ be able to love him back, hated Sirius because he was _forever_ placing Harry in James' shadow. It was that part that refused to give Sirius anymore ground than he had already taken.

But that small part of Harry could never stop the tears, which fell from Harrys eyes as easily as James' name fell from Sirius' lips. But Harry made sure that Sirius never saw or heard his moments of weakness. Harry would suffer in silence because he was afraid that if he didn't, if Sirius realised that he was hurting Harry, he would stop. And that, more than anything, would destroy Harry.

Because Harry loved Sirius, was _in love_ with Sirius, with the entirety of his pathetic, little heart. He loved him so much that he was willing to stay in his fathers shadow, willing to feel his heart be ripped to shreds every night. Just for him. And the part of Harry that hated Sirius had, and always will, pale in comparison to the part that was utterly devoted to the blue eyed man.

Sad as it was, Harry could never break the cycle. Would never want to. And, as Sirius opened the door to his room, Harry sat up with a smile on his face. Sirius walked towards him, embracing Harry tight to his bare chest. Harry desperately prayed that Sirius wouldn't notice the tears misting over his eyes, even though he knew the man wouldn't. He never did. And, Harry swore to himself once more as Sirius' tongue trailed its sinfully sensuous way down his body, he never would.


End file.
